Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish I only lived at night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
