I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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