I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
