is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize