At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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