I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
