and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
