Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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