I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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