Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
