this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
