All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
