Porn is love you can see.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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