she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
