so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
