literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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