so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
