I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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