I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize