i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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