You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize