I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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