apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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