You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
