Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
