i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
