i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
