Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
