I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
