she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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