i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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