That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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