She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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