he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
