How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
