i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
