Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
These tits shall not be calmed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
