My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
