you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
