ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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