I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
