Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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