I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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