He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
