I wish my penis had an off switch
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
