So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
