I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
