dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
