Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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