i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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