He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
