You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
