I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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