what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
