I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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