there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
