Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
