This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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