Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
