Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
