In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
