I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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