I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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