dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
