I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
