I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
