the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
